MEMO
To: J Moody
From: Me
I read the info on the peer review and would say thanks to Sam for the help and the recommendations as I am going to take them into account. She said that I need to fix the grammar and I totally agree that I need to work on my grammar so I will put more effort into that for sure. I also plan on adding more dialogue to my essay especially in my first introduction. I mean the intro should contain more dialogue so that I can really give more of a feeling to the day and how it begun. I also agree with her that I should definitely give more description on the actual incident instead of the day. I should really explain the reactions of the people in my class and the teachers in my school. The description of the people reaction can really change the tone of the entire essay. It will make people sympathize with the people and their different reaction and comment. People will easily be able to relate because everyone remembers that day and where they were exactly at. I was in New York so the experience was more drastic for me than a lot of other people. I kind off want to make the whole scenery a bit darker as it was a hard time for me and a lot of people. Especially for the people who had lost family member or friends. My dad knew people who worked in the world trade center it was hard time for him. He only worked a couple buildings away and saw the debris and everything happen he told me and I still cant believe how lucky I am to sill have my dad.